“Grind my Bitch up” Hyde Park (28/08/09)

The Hyde Park front room is a seedy bar located on Buwler street in north Perth. Beer soaked carpet, a strong stale yeasty stench and the regular old stool pigeons propped up in the corner of the bar. The width of the room is probably only three meters, making it cramped-as when there’s a mere fifty people there. The PA is only used for vocals and in this case maybe drum triggers. The rest is open air. A lot of these factors would deter most promoters, but Prime Cuts owner Glenn Dyson thought the filthy, crusty venue was the essential choice for a Grindcore fest. Agreed.

More in the hardcore vein of grind, four piece Agony have been opening up shows for the last few months and it seems they are making their way up the food chain, slowly but surely. Deservedly so, it seems, with an energetic front man who doesn’t mind sharing his opinion on Christianity. Drummer Brenton Peddler kept the pace racing as he pounded the shit out of his kit, while the bass player and guitarist ripped into their instruments with old school punk ethic. Great stuff and very entertaining. The only gripe would be that the bassist and guitarist didn’t match the vocalist and drummer’s energy. Ah well. Enter a few rants about the bible being a “fucking Disneyland story” and their set was done and dusted.

In stark contrast to Agony’s hardcore soaked grind came Death Fucking Cunt with a more tech-death approach. Fronted with the great percussive vocals of Gallows For Grace’s Bleak, DFC held their own with the great musicianship at hand. Nexus drummer Dan showed off his bombastic blast skills with his trademark approving nod, honed from the many years in the scene. Bleak kept the crowd thoroughly entertained with his classic almost timid in-between song banter. Hilarious after watching him storm the stage (or floor) like a maniac.

After a quick changeover, Nails of Imposition took the floor. If you saw their set supporting Psycroptic on their last Australian tour you’d think that they were a different band this time around. It seems the minimalist PA worked to their advantage. Guitar amps fully cranked, to compensate for the the lack of cab miking, complemented their sound perfectly. Nails have a pretty awesome old school death metal sound, with some clever passages and Cannibal Corpse-esque vocals. Throw in some fat skull crushing grooves, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for moshage. A band to watch out for.

Finally tonight’s co-head liners (In popularity surely) Cuntscrape arrived after the strategic placement of menstrual pads, tampons, vibrators and dongs. What happened next can only be described as class A porno-grind or purely class A entertainment.

Sporting a flaccid pink dong stuck to the body of his Jackson flying v guitar, Lord Labia shouted many obscenities into his Mic to complement the throaty attack of Schwingslayer. Sir Vixalot kept the basslines a-chugging to compliment the drum skills of Maximum Perversion’s Dan. And drunk ex-Furor guitarist Kill Machine well…tried to fix his amp. Has his amp has ever worked? It seems that was his problem last time! There were far too many great moments of drunken hilarity in this bands set to comment. But if you had to pick one in particular, it would have to be Lord Labia’s brown eyed salute to the punters smoking outside. Nothing but a good time.

Well, if the last band’s name didn’t shock your mum into a right state, the next one; Blowtorch Abortion surely would. Along with their song titles of course. Blowtorch’s set signalled the end of all order. Punters reacted to their set unlike any other band on the bill. The small confines were destroyed with an absolutely psychotic moshpit for every fifteen second song and anyone who wasn’t moving was being forced to. Guest appearances were made by several of the metal scene, jumping on vox or bass to a-lib a few songs. Just as entertaining as the actual performance were the song titles; Chuck Norris with Aids, We’re Gonna Bury Those Faggot Miners (again) and Fuck heavy Weight Champ were a few of the printable.

BA’s set showed the great camaraderie the metal scene has, and although short it was perhaps the most memorable of the night. Horns up to Spicy Dysie as there should be more of these gigs. So if you like your metal loud menstrual and tongue in cheek(s) get the hell down to one!