The saying is that history repeats itself. But sometimes, history doesn’t even repeat itself, it just shows up playing sold out arena shows. Lately, it seems that nostalgia tours have been coming our way thick and fast. There’s RnB Fridays with Nelly, MYA, Blu Cantrell, and TLC. There’s B*Wtiched, Atomic Kitten, and S Club 3/7, and just the other day, Vanilla Ice and Salt N Pepa are heading up an I Love The 90s tour.
This is all well and good, but there are plenty of bands from the 90s that haven’t yet announced nostalgia tours. Some of these bands are (somewhat shockingly) still touring, and some have toured here recently – but we would like to see them in full 90s mode, with their frosted tips and mood rings and chain wallets. These are the tours we want to see.
This would probably be the ultimate. Justin Timberlake and Mel B sharing the spotlight? Lance Bass and Victoria Beckham giving each other high fives while tearing through ‘Wannabe’ and ‘I Want You Back’. Perhaps the Spice Girls could even be the puppeteers in ‘Bye Bye Bye’?
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME / I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN YOU’RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN / I WANT SOMETHING ELSE TO GET ME THROUGH THIS SEMI-CHARMED KIND OF LIFE.
The only thing more iconic than her pop songs were her rose tinted sunglass that she wore. ‘I’m Outta Love’ needs a stadium moment – just imagine those operatic wails echoed by thousands, imagine the squeals of distorted guitar roaring out of stacks of Marshall amps. (Sure, it was released in 2000, but it’s basically there.)
Oh will the tears fall at this concert. There’s no doubt at some point in your lift you have sobbed into a pillow while choking out the lyrics to ‘Kiss Me’, or sung ‘Hands’ awkwardly at a school religious retreat (surely someone else had that experience? Nope, only me. Cool.) Coupled with the power of Macy Gray’s one and only hit ‘I Try’, this is a tour that needs to happen.
Boyz II Men continue to tour worldwide, but we need a specific tour for this. We need to hear ‘I’ll Make Love To You’, followed by ‘One Sweet Day’ (with a guest appearance from Mariah Carey obviously), with the emotional closer of ‘I’ll Make Love To You’.
Imagine Shania and Sheryl duelling guitars while blasting out a mashup of ‘Man, I Feel Like A Woman’ and ‘If It Makes You Happy’. Well you shouldn’t have to imagine, it should happen. Also Liz Phair should be there as well.
Remember ‘Fly’? No? Of course you do, we all lived through that dark time. When they started out, they were glowingly described as ‘funk metal’, which really was an indication of what to come. Thankfully they moved a little to the left into pop music, and delivered us such classics as ‘Every Morning’ and ‘Someday’.
Okay, before you crack your keyboard with furiously typed objections – who amongst us hasn’t screamed the lyrics to ‘Higher’ at some point in their lives? Creed were objectively terrible, but you couldn’t swing a cat in the 90s without hearing that freaking song. Limp Bizkit…well, they’re probably the only band that can rival Creed for terribleness.
Look, if B*Witched, S Club 3/7/whatever can come back, then Aqua is definitely ready for a comeback. They have been known to tour since their 90s heyday (they’ve hit our shores a couple of times since then), but we need more ‘Barbie Girl’.
If Hootie could tour and just perform the entirety of Cracked Rear View, we’d all be happy.